and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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