Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize