I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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