I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
