I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
