"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
