Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
