Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize