Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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