Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
