I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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