I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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