So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
