i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
