I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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