the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
