My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
