I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize