I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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