did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize