apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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