I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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