she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
