he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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