and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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