I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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