I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
