also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
