Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize