A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
