i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
