and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
