There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
