wakey wakey hands off snakey
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
