Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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