You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
