if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
