I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
