i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
