I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
