Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
