I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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