I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i came on her dog
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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