Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
