Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
