he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
