thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
