This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize