Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
