I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
