idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
