How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
