I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
