I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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