is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
