I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
