if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
