you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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