what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
