Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
