You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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