I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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