I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
