every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
