My underwear smells like fireworks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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