normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
