drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
