I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize